15 years ago, I was alive

May 21st

Yes, 15 years ago I was alive, and I can prove it. For myself, at least. There is tangible proof of me existing, and doing something of a record 15 years ago, which I found by a chance last night.

As I do every so often, in the evening, I put on my headphones and went on a musical journey back in time. There were some saccharine pop-rock songs from the 70s, which I admit are my guilty pleasure — (Harry Nilsson, Carpenters, Lindisfarne, The Eagles, etc.). There was some emo punk and nu-metal from the early 00s, a little cringe but oh, so much fun — (Sum 41, Blink 182, Korn, Linkin Park, etc.). There was a lot of modern folk, which is currently my fave — the simplicity and harmonies are again on top of my musical taste (Mountain Men, The Hunts, Lor, etc.). And I found a song that I haven’t listened to in many years. The song above — “Reservoir” by Hem. But not just this song. A particular video that was made by someone to this song. A video I remember watching compulsively for a couple of weeks many years ago, before moving to something else. A video that is just a recording of a slow drive on a gravel road through the forest and meadows. It is uploaded under a different name, so it is not obvious to the YouTube algorithm that it is a song by the band Hem. The video has only 1500 views (of which I think several hundred are mine) and one comment. The comment that was posted 15 years ago. By me.

There it was, a comment on YouTube, with my name to it. And I actually vaguely remember posting that comment sometime in 2007. But as I know already, memories can be false or easily adjusted to our current needs. But the fact remains — 15 years ago I posted a comment under a song on a website, and it is still there. I don’t remember much of anything from 2007. I know where I lived, with whom, and where I worked. But I am not sure what kind of car I drove then. Or where I went on vacation in 2007. Or was I happy or sad or indifferent that year? There is no recollection of those details, there is no recollection of the days of 2007. But I was alive. I was listening to this particular music one day or night. And that music moved me to post a sentence of appreciation. A couple of words that remain on a website. So there is proof that there was some conscious effort in m mind.

But now, come to think about it — if the comment left on a website is the only tangible proof of me from 2007, was I really alive? Alive in more ways than just physically? Is that one comment all that remains of me from that year?