March 23rd, 2023
Our culture and politics have become at once universal and yet inaccessible to most of us. We are told we have an option of a democracy, and we are told and will of the majority is binding, but I no longer feel that my voice has any meaning or is heard in any way even on a local level. Allowed participation in goings on of society in words only is just a surrogate of having any say and influence over matters of importance. And I got to the point when I think that accepting that knowledge can be liberating and perversely soothing.
The anonymity of thought and action seems like a very good option. I do think I have a lot of things to say, but talking in vain is tiring and pointless and I have no time for self-righteous but in the end futile actions. My time is precious and limited and I would rather use it for pleasure and fun and discovery and happiness and idleness. Grudgingly, I accept the fact that I won’t change the world and make a lasting impression on it. Or rather — I still might, but it won’t be a major driving point for my actions, and that will bring less frustration — which I don’t need.
Having expectations only toward yourself is very redeeming toward the rest of the world — If I don’t have any high hopes in things around me, I will not be disappointed too much. And I cannot be disappointed in myself since I know that I can always change and work on what I don’t like about myself (only lack of action and resolve can be disappointing) — so this way I will avoid most disappointments lurking around. That is a win-win situation for approaching things over which I have no power or control.
Simplification of needs and wants and hopes toward well-guarded and protected elites can feel like giving up or accepting a status quo. And it is just that, but — since fundamental change is no longer an option I can see or even imagine, I don’t see a need to rush and try to break down the walls separating us from those selected to make rules, hoping that my voice will be heard. I find comfort in the singularity of opportunity to work on the betterment of myself. There is nothing more that I want to spend my energy on.