A little bit better

September 28th, 2023

I feel a tiny bit better, but still ways off normalcy. But that is a sliver of hope I will hold on to — I feel a little bit better.

I don't even know if what is wrong with me is mental or physical — there are definitely stress issues that influence my mental state, but there is a more and more pronounced physical aspect to it. I will try to see a doctor tomorrow and see where that goes. In a nutshell — I felt like shit, and there were a terrible couple of hours where I couldn't concentrate on anything or do anything at work. Hopefully, no one noticed… The best way I can describe it was an impending sense of doom — like something terrible was going to happen and my body and mind prepared for it accordingly. I read about it and it is actually a real ailment, something that people suffer from and I guess that was (and still is) the reason for the terrible shape I am in. I never felt this way before, it is something completely new to me and scary. And reading about it didn't calm my nerves, but rather accentuated small details about how I feel to be noticed more and caused me more worries. I am at home, where I feel safe, but the lingering deep anxiety is still everywhere around me and inside me as well. I will try to keep my mind occupied on something light and simple and will see where it leads and how I feel in the morning. Nothing lasts forever, everything must pass and there is time for everything. I guess now it is time for me to struggle with a crisis and to find a way from its overwhelming tentacles.