A long December

December 30th, 2023

I checked and rechecked and something wasn't right. At all. I had to go to the most reliable source of historical information — bank statements. Banks don't miss anything, there is a record of all your actions — serious and frivolous — with a date and time. That confirmed something, but I was still unsure. There are things I remember happening months ago that in reality happened only this month. They happened in December even though I placed them as I remember them in previous months. It seems there are too many days in December, too many things can happen in those days and that leaves me exhausted. December is a slug, a month not to enjoy but to survive. The worst month of the year by far. And it seems that I spend twice the money in December than I do on average in other months — which is just so stupid. December is too long and completely unneeded. Would a month of hibernation work better than waddling through the pointlessness of December? It would be better for me, that is for sure.

Days in late December they just keep rolling together, they become jointed with nary a thing to keep them separated. I am fortunate enough to have time off (well, except for one day) between Christmas and New Year’s. I slept late, I did some reading, some walking (weather permitting), some napping, a lot of eating and I had more pleasure than worries — which is always good. I felt the hours becoming shorter and disjointed with the cock on the wall. I caught myself being surprised that it was already late evening when I did not do anything of a note and forwent the passage of time within my internal clock. And then the next day the same thing happened again. Or was it really another day? Darkness makes all the days feel the same. I let myself wallow in the sameness of days and hours in late, long December and let myself do nothing for prolonged periods of time. I feel no remorse at all for the unproductive way I spent my time over the last week. Rather — I feel quite content.