Acceptance and peace of mind

April 7th, 2023

When I truly accept my situation — be it a good or bad one (usually the latter)— and realize that what is happening is beyond my control and beyond my ability to change it, a strange calm comes over me. I can focus on a problem or a task at hand without anger and nervousness and impatience. I can clearly see the situation and take action to make it better, or not let it get worse than it is, or I can move to something else — but the acceptance has to come first. And that acceptance has to be truthful and complete.

I know that, and every time it happens I only get the reinforcement of that knowledge. So why does it happen so infrequently? Why so many times, most of the time in truth — do I have such a problem accepting the reality of what is happening and what surrounds me? Why do I try to turn reality into a lie that is easily understood and comfortable in its falsehood? Why do I try to resolve into my favor something that is beyond my control — and fail? That failure brings anger and paranoia and diminishes my self-worth and a sane view of the situation is difficult to restore, if possible at all. Why is acceptance so hard for me?