Anger or jealousy?

June 24th

I feel angry with my sister, and her fiancé. She is finally pregnant, with the term at the end of January, and it seems like she and he are completely not prepared for it. I understand that there is a lot of time, but for goodness’ sake — start getting ready for this! There will be a small, defenseless child brought into this world, and you need to make sure he or she is well protected and taken care of. There is no “later”, not “it will be done”, nor “we will take care of it somehow”. Get your asses in gear and get everything tip-top read for your child!

That means I will be an uncle for the first time, and I already have a plan — I will be “the cool uncle”, the one that will always listen, maybe help hide something from the parents and always support and treat my future niece or nephew as a capable individual and not just as a child. My brother and his partner can be the “rich uncles”. You see — I already have it figured out, even if my sister and her fiancé have not.

Or maybe all this is just a fit of jealousy on my part? I have no children, and several times in my life when I and my then current partner were facing this question of parenthood — we always came to the conclusion that NO, we will not try for a child. And looking back, every time that decision was made, it was a correct decision based on the circumstances and times and things around us. So, there is no regret on my part.

Maybe a little dissatisfaction and a little jealousy. Ok, maybe a lot more than a little jealousy. Maybe that is how my anger gets started in my head. Just because of jealousy based on missing something after making a decision (a correct decision) a long time ago and still feeling remorse for making that decision then.

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footsteps of the Furies

footsteps of the Furies

“for they knew what sort of noise it was; they recognize, by now, the footsteps of the Furies”. Enjoying life on the road to recovery. Observing and writing.