April 1st

“Thank you — I know I can always count on you”

A coworker (with whom I worked together since 2016 in the same capacity and the same department) wrote this to me on Teams yesterday — and I cannot stop thinking about it.

He didn’t have to, I did him a small favor and I know he would do the same to me if I would ask him. We are extremely busy, there is no time for small talk and niceties — a “thx” would be sufficient, or even nothing at all. And yet, he wrote this as a thank you and as his opinion about me.

Short sentence, ten words, no big deal, right? People say it all the time, right? — and I still keep thinking about it. A short, simple sentence and yet how important for me. He didn’t have to write it, and he did anyway, so I guess it was important for him to say it. I don’t remember the last time I heard this said to me and above all said honestly. My first reaction was to make a joke out of it, to say something funny —”you know, I will ask for something bigger in return, lol”. Then I thought of saying something dismissive — “hey, come on, no big deal”. In the end I didn’t say anything, not even thank you — I don’t think it was needed. I think we understood each other.

I accepted those nice words, I accepted the fact that other people can have a good opinion about me (and he knows about my addiction and current recovery). The same time last year I would dismiss and ridicule the whole idea that others can count on me. I myself wouldn’t count on drunk-ass me… And look at me now — I feel proud of my change and that my change is visible to other people. This feels so pleasant, somewhere deep in me I physically feel that warm, nice calmness. All that is so gratifying.

And all it took to feel it and to write about it, was one simple sentence.