Avoidance

April 17th, 2024

For the past several weeks, there was a subject I studiously avoided. I avoided thinking about it and writing about it. I was just pushing it out of my mind in general. I tried to occupy my time with everything and anything, to not even be aware of the existence of this subject and the big day that was approaching as a culmination.

And that big day was today. I got very nice gifts — from family and coworkers, I got a nice party, I got a nice meal and cake and, overall, that big day was good and happy and pleasant. I spent several hours in very good company, including my wonderful 15-month-old niece. But I still avoid thinking about the reason for this day and the celebrations.

Today, I turned 50. Today I am officially 50 years old.

And I will not (or at least I will try) not to think about it or write about it at all. There will be a good day for it, but not today — maybe tomorrow, or next month. I don't know…