Awaited change

January 31st

Finally — today is the last day of my full-time work. At least for half a year — that is how long I arranged with my company and six months is enough time to see if it works for both sides and then extend it or change it. So, starting tomorrow I will work part-time, 7 am to 11 am when in the office, and whatever way I can get 4 hours in when I will work from home. It might not seem like a lot, but for me, it is a very significant change. First of all — it is my change, not something forced on me. For most of the time, most of the changes in my life were forced by external circumstances. Most of the time I could see that those changes were coming but I didn’t do anything about them (except complain and make up catastrophic scenarios in my head). And then, only after the change was already on, I would try to fit myself and adjust my life around it — with sorry results most of the time.

Not this time. This is a part of changes in my life that started about 18 months ago when I admitted my powerlessness against addiction and finally looked for and accepted help. My therapy is still ongoing and all that is still very hard and mentally taxing work. There are still difficult, anxious days but finally I am in control of my life. I am astounded by how my life had changed for the better, and how I had changed into a better person. And now, that change involving my job is a part of a long-term, self-care plan. I will have more time for myself, for things I put aside or never even thought I can possibly accomplish — like writing a book. I will have more time just for myself, just to think, to explore, to exercise, to rest — whatever I deem important at any given moment. I will also have plenty of time to decide about a work career — in which direction I want to go and how to keep the life/work balance the way I want to.

I feel that I am well prepared and rather excited for this change. Especially that finally I make those decisions about my life.