Blink and you will miss it
June 4th
Three weeks ago, all the tall grasses and rushes around the shore of my local reservoir were still yellowish and brownish and grayish and quite brittle. Today, every stalk is proudly and assuredly standing tall, full of deep and luscious greenery. And I missed that transformation. I promised myself last year that I will pay more close attention to the changes in nature that surround me everywhere. And for most of the time, I was able to — as much as other things like work and reading and shopping and napping would allow me. There was a time in March and April when practically every day I was out — either in my garden or in my local forest or on a walk through the fields around my hometown. Then every small change with the end of winter and beginning of spring was easily seen and registered in me.
But for the last three weeks, there were other things on my mind. I let myself be occupied by mundane happenings that I, in my mind, brought up to a falsely important level. Things like work problems and issues with family and terrible happenings around the world. Things over which I have no control. Ok, I can change some things and can adjust my responses to issues at work and with my family — but I will not change the corporate culture at work and the personality of those close to me in my family. But anyway, I let those minuscule issues take over my thinking and my emotional state. For three weeks I was going about my life, brooding inside and developing some quite frightening anger. And in those three weeks, that amazing metamorphosis in nature happened without me seeing and enjoying it.
There were excuses, of course as well, that I made for myself during those three weeks. There was a lot of rain, temperatures were on the level of March, and there were storms and gale winds. Unpleasant weather with all its elements most of the time. But that was just an excuse — no rain or wind or low temperatures stopped me before from being out in nature. So why this time? I guess it was because it was convenient and on par with my laziness. By laziness, I mean the lack of a simple mental push to start doing something, to make that first step. I know that it is all I need — just make myself make the first step and everything else will follow. Simple now, but for three weeks I was not myself and was missing not only that change in nature but other things as well. On the other hand — it is good that I realized that after three weeks of moping and feeling sorry for myself and not any longer than that. And the fact of this realization will stay with me for a while, so I won’t make the same mistake again.
