Body check

December 24th, 2023

I know, more or less, what is wrong with my brain and the way it functions, oftentimes against the best interest of its owner. I was able to find out those issues after a long and arduous self-discovery and self-analysis and full engagement in therapy, where I listened carefully to my therapist and followed the leads she gave me. Of course, this is an ongoing process and often it feels like I take two steps back for each step forward, but no matter what — I keep moving. It is also a very richly rewarding experience when I finally get to the bottom of what the problem is and how I can fix it. Or accept being powerless to fix it and then move on without any second thoughts.

Recently I have noticed that there might be something wrong with the vessel that carries this aforementioned brain of mine — I think my body is giving me unwelcomed signals about its state. This is very unusual since I feel like I am in good shape — I eat well, I sleep (mostly) well, I exercise and am physically active. I go to doctors for regular checkups to get a professional opinion about my body and its workings — and so far, so good. But there is something else that bothers me. It seems like my body takes a lot longer to recover from an activity that wasn't even that strenuous. There are days when I come home from a hectic day at work and cannot do anything but lie down. There are days when I come home from a two-hour walk and feel beat down and need to lie down. And for the last few weeks, I feel like I haven't fully recovered from a viral infection I had at the beginning of December. Basically — I feel more tired from doing less than in previous years, and that tells me that there is something wrong with my body. To be clear — I don't accept the theoretical fact that I might be getting older and that is the cause of all that. Of course not, let's not be silly here.