Choice versus the absolute
February 7th, 2023
I will not recall here my long and messy and still ongoing struggles with religion and faith and my religious belief. There is not enough time and the whole internet is too limited in available storage to actually contain all I would want and could and should say on this matter. And the fact that I just am trying to be funny here and now, tells me that it is an extremely serious matter. I always do that — when I start cracking jokes and make witticisms or use funny phrases that sound oh, so good and clever in my head — that means I am trying to cover something extremely serious with a smokescreen of laughter. But I digress anyway… and am trying to be funny again…
This is a serious matter, the way I feel and think about religion and beliefs and especially my personal connection or disconnect with faith. I recently come to the conclusion that I might not be an atheist anymore. That is a huge surprise to me, even (or especially) since it pertains to such a personal belief as religious faith — or lack of it. I thought about what can be even more absolute than atheism and strangely come to the realization that absolute in this matter is not the correct way to go since I want to be as far from any absolute dogma as possible. That of course means religious dogma and areligious dogma as well. So what would be the correct way of exploring my thoughts about it? Obviously — that is agnosticism. This wishy-washy, lets-look-at-it-from-both-sides, let's not be hasty in making decisions, and let's not make any commitments one way or the other agnostic ideology. And that fits my point of view quite well and comfortably now. The main problem with atheism is that it denies a choice, even if that is a wrong and ridiculous choice. Of course, choices are supposed to be correct but denying a chance for making a wrong choice is too absolute for me to accept. There is not much to be proud of in being an agnostic, so I will exercise that in the safety of my own thoughts and will remain a non-practicing atheist for show.
