September 14th, 2023
It is a viscous circle — at least for me. As soon as I break off the restraints of a particular hangup in my mind and am free of that particular constraint, I start looking for something new to worry about and use as an excuse for my perceived (and illusory) failings and shortcomings. Freedom from one thing leads into the bondage of another.
Freedom, or the state perceived as too much freedom, can lead to dependency. Once free from primary ties and constraints that were slowing down our growth or just sensible living — the isolation that is a given in any experience of freedom can become unbearable and painful and the fear can be too much.
That can lead to a willing descent into dependence on another person or on a group of people or on an idea. Is there a way to experience freedom and not to be alone? Being in any group, even if that group consists of only one other person, requires making sacrifices and accepting the fact that our being is intertwined with another being or beings.
This is the antithesis of freedom. And I am not sure that fulfillment of the experience of independent self can be achieved without being isolated and any unity with the rest of the world or any people or nature is not possible without giving up the essence of freedom that in itself is so hard to achieve. Is it possible to be free and yet not alone? Is it possible to be critical and yet not overwhelmed by doubts? Is it possible to be independent and yet an integral part of humankind? Is being truly yourself possible and worth it? And how to be sure what really can constitute my self-realization?