Cognitive disbelief

December 26th, 2023

I thought for a long while that this was my strength. And a burden I had to carry. I have an ability to disbelieve anything and everything. That comes in handy when faced with religious or political or social dogmas. That is the reason I don't belong to any church, any political party, any club of any kind, any organization or any social movement — I don't believe that any (official or not) organization can have my best interests in mind — or even that they might have any good interests or good actions for anybody who is not a part of their suffocating orthodoxy. I could always find a hole in their reasoning and never had a problem calling out their lies (anonymously, of course). I might suspend my disbelief for a while when it fits me to make a decision and take action required or expected by being a part of society — knowing very well that makes me a hypocrite. That is the price to pay for dutiful participation in society and I can live with that.

Recently I started having doubts whether the cognitive disbelief that I exhibit is in reality a good thing. I think the need to believe in something, anything, is a fundamental part of being a normally fully developed and healthy human being. Everyone believes in something, everyone has a dogma that is an ethical and moral determinant. Or an excuse to justify a particular behavior. I, on the other hand, have only doubts. Every time I get close to accepting a given idea as something fundamental I can use in my conscious behavior, something comes up to make me question its validity. Then, my search for some solid truth starts anew. That becomes a handicap for me when I see myself as a member of society. I don't believe in the good intentions of other people and that makes me wonder how much of a projection that is on my part.