Comparing myself

March 7th, 2024

I am doing it wrong. Not all the time and not completely wrong, but in an incorrect way anyway. When it comes to comparing myself to myself from years or decades ago — that is easy and pleasant. Today I am a better person than I ever was since I was a teenager. I am better than myself at any time in the last thirty-five years or so. That is absolutely amazing, the way I was able to find the way and evolve forward to become a good and reliable person (maybe somewhat boring though, but that is OK with me). When it comes to others comparing me to another person — I don’t like it, but there is not much I can do about it except remind that person that my name is XXX and am not YYY. Of course, I am too polite and meek and amicable to say it out loud, but still, that option remains.

The main issue with comparing myself is when I compare myself with another person. I do it all the time, even though I try to remind myself that it is wrong and will only lead to frustration and jealousy. It seems like I cannot really help myself. It would be only half a problem if I compared myself as being a better person than somebody else. My ego would get a temporary boost and only my pride would suffer when I would be brought to a level, which always happens because there is always somebody else more awesome than me on my best day. The problem is that compare myself to others from a fundamentally wrong position that I am worse than that somebody else. No rationality can save me. If I get into my head that somebody else is better than me, then my mind accepts it as a fact. And I get angry and jealous. And despise that other person for no reason at all.