Continuous growth

April 25th, 2024

Over the last day or so, I discovered several things about myself. Some were completely new, and some were only reinforced — but still welcomed as something about me and my personal growth. The first two are positive. The last one might seem negative, but it can still be turned into something good for me:

• I think I started a path of friendship — becoming more than just an acquaintance with another person. We spent many hours together on a business trip and had plenty of time to talk (especially in the car driving here or there) and there was a definite connection that I already feel goes deeper than just a professional relationship. I don't really remember when was the last time I had a real friend and it seems very interesting to try to explore that anew.
• I discovered that I (very surprisingly) can feel at ease in a new and unknown environment and among new and unknown people. I felt confident and not nervous or apprehensive, as it was my normal behavior for most of my adult life. In a new place among new people, I used to feel insignificant and kept quiet just waiting for the torture to end. Now, I feel strong and composed and in control and have no qualms about saying or doing my thing as I see fit.
• I reinforced in myself the knowledge that I need to be in control — that is my requirement and just something that I fancy or want. No — I have to control the majority of aspects of my life and I will look for ways to make it happen, on a bigger scale than now. This week, on a business trip on several occasions, I had to defer to another person (my immediate manager) and did it with the clear knowledge that I was doing something I did not want to but would do for clear peace of mind and to keep clear paths for advancement. Still, lack of control over my time and how I spent it was unpleasant and I am still unhappy with it. In the future — I will do whatever I can to push my agenda and make it clear that I am in control of what I do.