Counting days

November 18th

About a week after I stopped drinking, while I was in detox, I set an app on my phone with the starting point of my first day when I haven't had a drink. I remember checking it quite often — 10 days without a drink, another couple of weeks dry, the first month being sober. I also counted the days of my stay in the addiction therapy facility. At first, I wanted to stay there as long as possible — I felt safe there. Then after 6–7 weeks, I couldn’t wait to actually go out in the real world and see what I am made of.

My recovery continued, and I would still check this app — another month, then 100 days, then 6 months, then a year being sober. Honestly — I didn’t think of this as an accomplishment, it was something that I wanted to do and the number of days without a drink was only a numerical reminder that I am going in the right direction. A year in sobriety passed without a fanfare (only my brother remembered it) and it was the way I wanted it. Today I checked the app after a while, thinking that my count is around 400 days. It is actually 435 days since my last drink and that was a very positive surprise for me.

I no longer count the days or weeks or months. I keep on living my life, in recovery but also with a different quality of living. My time is based on long-term plans and goals. Days go by but those days are no longer counted as “another day in sobriety”, those days are just “days”. My days, my time — the way it is supposed to be. I regained control of my time and the way I let this time pass. I am in control of every day of my life. Finally.