December 19th
Overall it was a good day. I wasn't feeling well in the morning, I had a headache, I was nervous about the trip, I wasn't 100% by I felt much better than Friday when I had a nasty, unsettling attack of the alcohol craving. The train ride there went nicely, I love train travel, even though there was a lot of fog and I could barely see the countryside, I enjoyed it. Once in Warsaw, I went to see Agnieszka and Jacek, my first visit to their apartment since they moved in together. I brought a whole suitcase of Christmas food since they will not be coming to Bialystok for the holidays. In return, I took some Christmas gifts from them (yesterday Adam and Mateusz took most of the gifts). Then an hour walk around Warsaw and I went to my bus stop since I decided to return by bus for the first time in I don't know how many years. That bus trip was A HUGE MISTAKE….It was crowded, uncomfortable, slow, and just felt wrong. Well, I consider that as a lesson for me, something for my experience — now I know that there is no reason and no way for me to ever take a bus to or from Warsaw, only trains as before.
Walking around the center of Warsaw I had to be careful — there were so many places, streets, parks, and stores that in my mind were connected to alcohol. I realized, that before getting sober, any trip to Warsaw was simply an excuse for drinking. I felt terrible, for a moment I thought that maybe I should be taking more trips to Warsaw since the whole city is a trigger for my addiction. But in the end, it was fine. I was able to think about something else, something positive, and as long as I stay away from my trigger points in Warsaw I will be fine — but still, I need to be careful.
The most important thing that happened today in Warsaw was that I finally saw Agnieszka (and Jacek). We haven't seen each other in more than 4 months and it was so nice to see them, see their apartment, talk a little, meet their dog Prezes — who is a fantastic, so lovable dog…I wish Frank was more like him — more laid back and not so crazy. Agnieszka is a very important person for me, well, she is the only sister I have. I saw that she and Jacek are really in love with each other and they seem made just for each other, I feel very happy that their relationship is going so well.
