Christmas at home

Christmas Eve was quite positive. Before noon, I had some work to do — I went to a driving school to make a final payment, I went at Iza’s place to water the flowers, I did some shopping at a local bakery. I was to the cemetery to light candles on the graves of the loved ones. At the cemetery I accidentally met uncle Peter whom I haven't seen in more than 30 years. I felt glad and sure of myself that I could quite easily go and talk to him just like that. In the afternoon I cleaned around home so that on the first day of Christmas everything will be clean and in order. Then the way to mom’s for Christmas Eve supper. This year, on Christmas Eve, there were only four of us, my mother, aunt Bożena, Adam and me. Everything was ready so around 4:30 pm we sat down to eat. This time, due to Agnieszka’s absence I read this part of the Bible that is usually read on Christmas Eve. We ate, as usual, very quickly, everything was delicious and right away was gone. Likewise, the mood was cordial and easy going, we joked a little, didn’t talk about anything serious. Gifts, like every year, were plentiful. I got a lot of very nice things, I’m very happy with it. Overall it went pleasantly with no special emotional mood swings and I feel happy about it.

Well, there is still one thing that might have been upsetting me. Of course, it is about the situation at work, caused by my manager, and her behavior towards me yesterday. I am dissatisfied with myself that despite repeated attempts, these thoughts keep coming back to my head. Each time I had to catch myself, so I will not get winded up by it. I kept telling myself to dismiss these thoughts completely. Nothing serious happened, no matter what she thinks there was no fault on my side. The only problem is my manager’s behavior and her lack of emotional control. I know that this is not the first time I have seen it from her, I had time to get used to it and not accept her behavior. Nevertheless, it’s very hard to do, the thoughts kept coming back to my head and I have to be careful not to get winded up by them. I can’t let her behavior ruin my holidays, I have 11 days off, and I want to use it fully to my advantage without thinking about problems at work. I hope I can handle it. I have a lot of energy and determination to spend my free time the way I want to. I will do my best not to let her psychotic, toxic personality dominate my mood, my thoughts, my emotions and my recovery.

“for they knew what sort of noise it was; they recognize, by now, the footsteps of the Furies”. Maciej — on the road to recovery.