December 26th
Well, I think I was finally able, in my mind, to let go those issues at work. But why the hell it took three days of me getting angry with all those negative thoughts in my head. Why is that fucking bitch behaving this way? Why, because of her emotional instability, everyone around her has to suffer. I have had enough of her toxic personality. For three days it was bothering me and with me in recovery this is not a good thing. I cannot change her personality and the way she behaves towards others, what I can do, is to look for a new job. The situation on the job market is bleak because of the pandemic, but I know I don’t have to hurry, just to take my time and find something that will fit me. I guess that will be my plan for New Year.
I went to Augustow today, as always I visited the cemetery and Jola’s grave. I stayed there for a while, I know it sounds kind of stupid and corny, but I told her that I haven’t had a drink in more than 100 days. It’s not easy, there are days, there are moments where it’s very difficult, but I’m hanging in there. I know she would be proud of me, actually I’m rather proud of myself. It is a hard work, and it will be a hard work for a long while, but I can see a huge difference that sobriety gave me: the way I think, the way I behave, the way I react to other things — either good or bad ones. How I can handle a crisis without reverting to drink. I feel like I’m starting my life again, and I’m not going to fuck it up.
At the Cemetery I noticed the interesting thing as in the picture above — there is a whole row of new graves. I was there in the early November, and they weren’t there, so basically in about 5 weeks those are all new graves for people who died I guess mostly from Covid-19. For all the deniers of the seriousness of this virus — here is an evidence and a proof.
Also, I visited the Jewish cemetery in Augustow:
It’s kind of strange that I have been to Augustow of so many times and never actually went there. The Cemetery looks rather sad. There are only about 10 or 12 matzevas gathered together in one place. On the other side there are visible neo-nazi symbols and swastikas…. I have no word to describe my sadness.
I also feel a lot of anger that there are still people, who are so fucking stupid who hate other people in such a way that they will go out and destroy their Cemetery. Antisemitism is still rampant in Poland and here is another proof.
