Don’t let us get sick

October 21st, 2023

That is the subject I was avoiding like hell. Not thinking about it, I hoped that it would just go away. But it doesn’t. Every day, every hour, we get older, and there are constantly new ailments and pains and creaks in our bodies. Every one of us gets older, faster or slower, with more dignity than necessary or with more anger than befitting, since we all know the endgame.

My mom is getting older in a frighteningly quick way. She gets smaller and smaller each time I see her and her forgetting of small and simple things is no longer funny but a daily concern. My mom has an extreme pain tolerance, even more than women usually have. To hear her scream in pain yesterday, when she couldn’t move her legs, was something else. And I am scared.

It is the return to the state of infant-like vulnerability, as the body becomes weaker, that I am scared as hell. For my mom, especially since being in control and being independent and NOT being a nuisance and a weight to carry by others, is her unchangeable nature. And for me as well. My body will let me down one day. But for now, that is something I can avoid thinking about. The pain my mom experienced is real and is now and I cannot help her. I can and will be there and will try my best. But there is no cure for getting older. I am far from accepting this fact.