Dreams

March 28th

My sleep pattern since I stopped drinking is as follows — I put my head on the pillow, pull my duvet or/and a blanket up to my chin, roll on the left side and the next thing I know is morning already. And I always wake up about 5 minutes before my alarm clock goes off. So I sleep like a log. This is one of the biggest benefits of being sober. But it also means that I don’t dream. Or at least I don’t remember any dreams the moment I wake up.

I do have nightmares occasionally. But are the nightmares actually dreams? Spoiled dreams? Or is it something more sinister that comes up through the night in a tired and unsettled mind? Anyway, they happen rarely. The last one was about six months ago, and they always involve something to do with drinking and alcohol — so I know that I let my mind go in the wrong direction before they happen, and I let myself be triggered by something. I can then work on that, so it doesn’t happen again.

Also, I do occasionally have a recollection of something like a dream for a second or two during that moment when I wake up and right before I open my eyes. It looks like a rapid movie of something that I dreamt of, but it is quickly gone, and I only remember the fact that I had a dream, but I can no longer recall what it was about.

Very and extremely rarely does it happen that I can actually remember and recall a dream I had. And it happened this morning. And I know it was a pleasant dream. I was riding a bike through my old hometown in New Jersey. For the most part, it looked as I remembered it from 10 years ago. There were some new buildings there, and it was very clean with very light traffic on the streets — but unmistakably my place where I lived for 15 years. And in this dream, I felt a deep pleasure from just riding a bike there, up and down the streets and sidewalks and parks, and recalling new sights that I would see around the corner. Nothing more than that. And yet, I woke up not only remembering that dream in detail (and I still can recall it without a problem) but also with deep happiness and calmness.

Very strange, but also very enjoyable. Strange that I actually remember that dream. Delightful because there was a joy in my actions in this dream that spilled into my woken state and mood. Honestly, that is something that I think I experienced for the first time in my life — a happy dream and a happy mood based on that dream after waking up. I still surprise myself with how my mind works and hope for more pleasing dreams to remember.

--

--

“for they knew what sort of noise it was; they recognize, by now, the footsteps of the Furies”. Enjoying life on the road to recovery. Observing and writing.

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
footsteps of the Furies

footsteps of the Furies

“for they knew what sort of noise it was; they recognize, by now, the footsteps of the Furies”. Enjoying life on the road to recovery. Observing and writing.