Easy to read

December 9th, 2024

It's a good thing I never played poker for money. I mean, I played poker for fun and was quite good at it — counting cards and calculating probabilities came easy to me, but never for a monetary reward. And that is good not just because gambling is immoral, but if I ever faced a pro, I would be left destitute. Apparently, I have a very easy-to-read face. There is no hiding my emotions and there is always a tell of what I feel and think of etched on my face.

I don't think that is something wrong. I don't think it good (or healthy) to always keep a stoic demeanor and never show your true face. I rather be forthcoming and let people know exactly what's up with me than try to pretend that everything is fine, especially when it isn't. Strangely, I don't think that my facial expression changes that much no matter what is emotionally happening with me. My basic face shame remains the same. I guess there has to be something else that explicitly shows what I think stays implicit. Maybe my eyes. It is rather difficult to have a clear look at my eyes when I am the one looking at them. And I also feel kind of sad that there is no nuance in my facial expressions. I want to be nuanced, I think I am nuanced, but I guess my face tells another story. Maybe I am just simple. Simple enough not to be bothered hiding behind a made-up facade of lies and falsehoods. I think I am OK with that.