Fake smile

October 27th, 2023

I am disappointed and frustrated, but mostly angry. There is one particular person I am angry at, and on a lesser level, at some other people who facilitate that person. I am also angry at myself — for being naive and gullible. That is my problem, which has become my burden and a limitation in my work career. And the exact problem is that when I talk to somebody, that person smiles and reassures me that all will be taken care of, that there is no problem with this and that, I believe that person. So, then it comes as a shock when that person does the opposite and, in reality, nothing is taken care of and there are huge problems with this and that.

And then I am the bad guy and someone who has to clean the mess and is blamed for doing or not doing this or that. That has happened to me countless times before. I believe people when they look me in the eyes and tell me something. I take their word for granted, because — well, they just gave me their word. And I don't learn from mistakes when behind that honest smile is a stab in the back. I have told myself many times that my nativity had to stop. I can be professional but suspicious. And time after time, I let my guard down and am used as a chump. I don't know if I can ever change it. I think it might be too much to ask of me to start to distrust people right from the start. Will see, but as of today, my gullibility got the better of me and I am left with brewing frustration and anger for the weekend…