February 12th

Sometimes I still go “wow” after reading, there are no other words necessary. I am happy that I still can react like that, that there is still some appreciation for beauty in me.

Standing at The Mirror, The Author Writes A Poem for Himself in Which the Word Hate Is Replaced with The Word Forgive

by Brandon Melendez

& while I wait for my eyes to relearn open I [forgive] myself for the slow rise the deep ache in the crane of my neck from bowing down inside myself

I [forgive] the surrender the swollen knee the bruise on my rib shape & shade of an August sunrise I [forgive] the fence I could swear was the horizon or at least

a way out I [forgive] myself for imagining a way out is a place I could visit like a corner café or ex-lover’s thigh I [forgive] myself for loving

those who have harmed me for cooking them dinner & burning the rice forgetting to add pepper or make myself a plate I [forgive] myself for staying I [forgive]

myself for staying until I left my skin another blanket on the bed until the sound of a door opening turned each room into a reason to leave I counted each second

alone as a tiny victory until I lost count which is the only victory that matters please let healing be not a season but the body that still belongs to me & every day

I remember to buy bread to hide the keys beneath the window succulent or walk along the road dreaming of anything other than traffic is a day I get closer

to a future made better by how I live through it I [forgive] myself for failing today for falling back into bed & drawing the blinds give me time

I’ll get up I promise I know it doesn’t matter where I go every direction is forward I just have to get there I take a step & step naked into the shower the water

so cold I forget to breathe my body yearns to follow the pearls falling through the metal grate to become not quite a ghost but a shadow just out of frame I say no

I [forgive] I [forgive] myself with my body right in front of me