February 22nd
That’s a headstone for my great great grand aunt Kazimiera Sobolewska (yes, that’s a typo on the plaque) on her grave at the Farny Cemetery in Białystok. Born in 1866, died in 1918 at the end of the Great War. Not much is known about her in the family, even my grandmother was born after she already died. The only information we have is that she was “different”, never got married, lived alone, didn’t get along with the rest of the family.
Even the fact that she is buried at Farny Cemetery is telling — all other members of the family from my mother side are buried at the Dojlidy Cemetery. As far as know only my mom and me still go to visit her grave, put fresh flowers there in season, and light a candle.
I went there last Sunday, could barely get close to her grave because of all the snow still on the ground. I always think about the passage of time when I there. I don’t have any children (and don’t plan to have any) and after me, there will be no one to still remember her and tend to her grave.
After some years even the grave and headstone will disappear, someone else will have the final resting place there. Since I am still here, I feel a need to go there. I don’t pray but linger there at her grave much longer than at any other grave of family members. I remember her name if I can’t know anything else about her. Now the name — Kazimiera Sobolewska — and the picture is on this blog and on the internet. How long will it stay here? Will it ever come up as a result for a bizarre reason in somebody’s search?
I remember about her.
Will anybody remember me?
Why do I even care?
But I do. I wanted to be forgotten through most of my life, now — I want somebody, somehow, for any reason to remember me.
