Fragility and continuity

May 24th, 2023

It lasted only an hour or so, but it was very acute. All it took was a question from a family member, a question about something very far from my mind, a question I couldn't honestly answer, and a question that lodged itself firmly in my head. That was enough for me to change into negativity and to start making doom scenarios in my imagination.

As I said — it lasted only an hour or so but was powerful enough to make me look at myself and my loved ones from a different perspective. Form a perspective of a keen understanding of the fragility of every single one of us. Of the fragility of our lives and our minds and our deeply seated routines and our emotions.

Sometimes a single blow, or even a single straw that breaks can be a difference and cause a wholesale change.

It is better not to think about it — not to create potential scenarios that might never happen since we cannot predict what will happen. And no amount of preparation will be enough when we don't know what for do we need to prepare for. So I tried very hard to put those thoughts outside of my head and clear my mind.

It worked. Soon I was able to concentrate on my mundane daily routine and continue my conscious living the way I want to — with a slight detachment from the realities of other people and the reality of events I am sometimes a willing but mostly a captive witness. There is comfort in the continuity of doing well-rehearsed things time after time. The comfort of mind I am very used to.