Futile help

January 23rd, 2024

You cannot help everyone. You cannot help those who don't want to be helped. And you cannot help those who don't want to help themselves.

There is a guy at work who is an alcoholic. It is not a new development, but as I understand it, has been going for years — out in the open. He is a good guy and a very important asset to the company, so for years his behavior was covered or swept under the rug by others. Basically, he was enabled by others, for various reasons I guess. And it worked — he would do his job, then disappear on a bender for days or a week, and then he would come back, remorseful and ashamed, and be even more productive until the next time. In November, he got to the point where he couldn't come back — he was assigned a recovery and therapy stay at a psychiatric institution. He checked himself out after a few weeks, declaring himself to be fine and cured. That lasted a week, before he was back in the hospital, this time involuntarily. He came back to work last Wednesday, again claiming to be fine, and that being fine lasted until yesterday, when he was again taken to the hospital after a serious and medically scary comedown at work. Comedown after a weekend bender with alcohol and anti-depressants.

Outside of work and coworkers, he has nobody to talk to or expect any help. But now, even his most helpful friends seem to be giving up on him. He will not be allowed to go back to work. Most likely he will be fired after he exhausts his medical leave. In the opinion of those who know him best, that will mean the end of his life, quite literally. The overall situation is very sad and hopeless now.

Everyone at work wishes him the best, but most people are not under any illusions as to what the future holds. Another problem I see here is that non-addicts will never and on no level understand the addict. I know it personally. They feel betrayed by him and his misuse of their help without understanding that an addict will not accept help until they are willing to help themselves. In this case, that realization might never happen. I hope I am wrong, but all that I see happening, happened to me as well. I was lucky to still be able to ask for help and to receive it and start my recovery.