Gift giving

February 1st, 2024

Please, don't make me guess. And don't make me choose. And don't make me think about what might work for you. I love giving gifts, but please make it easier on me — I don't know what you actually might need, or what you want — so tell me what gift you want from me. Of course, there are times when I see something and immediately know that it will be a great gift for you. Could be something for your collectibles. Could be something that will make you laugh, or will work as an add-on to your beauty. But most of the time, trying to find that something special becomes a chore. So don't tell me you don't want anything, or just something symbolically small only. Tell me exactly what you want. I will get it. But tell me first.

I love receiving gifts as well. And I am very specific and direct and detailed in my explanations of what I want to get. Even though I know what I will be getting when I am getting the gift — that doesn't make it any less special or pleasant at the moment of gift-giving. Only afterward do doubts start creeping into my head. As I look and touch and enjoy the gift I received, I start to think about what exactly I did to deserve it. Or if I did enough to deserve it. Or what can I do now to make our transaction equal in terms of our relationship? Or what exactly is our relationship? I don't see anything platonic about receiving gifts. I like the fact of getting something new and shiny and cool, but then I feel the need to pay it back and make it even with you. I think I might be unusual in this behavior. I find it difficult to accept something from you and I see it as a part of a transaction of some kind. That might be my self-esteem that tells me that I might not be deserving of that something special. That still might be a problem with the true depth of my self-esteem.