Grandma and yellow daffodils
April 9th, 2023
“Remember how much grandma loved daffodils?”
— a question, or was it even a question? maybe it was just a statement of the fact or an interlude in our conversation at the Easter breakfast. Those few words were said as I was getting ready for the coffee and I wasn't expecting any revelations to occur then and there.
And yet, as soon as those words were said a strange wave of thoughts came over me. It wasn't a flash of memory or remembrance of something particular that I experience on a frequent basis. It was much more rounded in its tenderness than just a cold recall of a flashback.
It wasn't a fleeting recollection that leaves a “wow, how could I forget that” sentiment behind it. It was a totality of a memory of a person, who for good and bad and indifferent, was a close relative of mine. And the sum total of that recollection was based on yellow daffodils.
My grandma loved them. She planted them in her garden to grow and bring color to the greenery there. She would cut them and keep them in vases on the table or on the commode. Out of the season — daffodils were simple and unspoken go-to flowers to buy her for different occasions.
Or without occasion, I guess — although I don't really recall many things done just for the sake of doing something pleasurable and nice and altruistic in my family. We as a family do nice to each other, but there is no spur-of-the-moment — the reason is needed and needs to be clearly stated.
We all as a family learned to behave like that sometime, somewhere, from somebody. Maybe from grandma who in turn got it from her ancestors?
…
…
Am I a nice and good person — an altruistic person? Do I say niceties and do I do favors and pleasantries for no reason? Do I compliment others without the expectation of getting a few pleasant words back in return? Do I do anything spontaneously to bring a smile to another person, just to see that smile and happiness? I’d like to think so, but I am so sure now. There seem to be underlying reasons for my benevolent actions if I look close enough at them. Does it really matter?
And another to the list of unanswered questions from above — do I do ANYTHING for no reason at all? Do I do anything to give myself pleasure and joy without a reason or as a reward? I think the answer to that question might be fundamental to my happiness.
