Guilty road trip
June 5th
My yearly summer road trip starts tomorrow morning, and I am feeling quite guilty about it. Not about the trip, per se. I want and deserve my vacations, and the road trip is the best way to spend my time off work. I did all the preparation yesterday — checking and topping off all the engine fluids and checking if there are any leaks, checking tire pressure, vacuuming and washing my car, etc. And I put in a full tank of gas, so I won’t have to stop at the gas station until I get to my first destination.
That hurt. A lot. Of course, I am aware of the gas prices now, but I always fill up my car as soon as the gauge shows 3/4 full. So it usually hurts just a little. This time I also calculated how much gas I will need and how many times I will have to fill it up on this trip, and that was painful. I checked my options to take public transport to the places I was going as a potential option not to take my car this year, but the cost of train and bus tickets was about 70% of what I will pay for the gas — so the savings were not worth the trouble. And also the travel time would be twice as long, and that only if I would make all the transfers on time and there would be no delays and cancelations — which is unlikely. So driving was the only sensible option.
Not only the price of gas was a problem, but I did feel a little guilty spending all that money just for my pleasure. It was the fact of using gas itself that made me feel guilty as well. There are problems with the availability of gas because of the war in Ukraine and sanctions on Russian oil, the speculation and inactivity of OPEC countries, and no capacity to process crude into gas in amounts needed for summer travels. And I am participating in that shortage and in keeping high gas prices myself by deciding to spend my summer vacation traveling and using gas. That made me feel guilty — that I didn’t adjust my wants in the face of changing reality and raging inflation and ongoing conflicts. I could stay at home or travel somewhere nearby using public transportation or even my bicycle. I could have fun exploring nearby sights and places on the day trips (and I have an ever-growing list of places of interest within easy reach from where I live).
So I guess I am guilty of hypocrisy on my part, and the pangs of guilt I already feel are connected to the fact of me not being a better and more conscious person. I will enjoy my trip starting tomorrow, but I do feel the need to rethink my priorities and guilt-free travel enjoyment for the near future.
