Happy closure

July 14th, 2023

I always need time to analyze my actions and emotions. I don’t react at (and to) the moment something happens. I simply register things and let them go and only after some time, they come back to me in their proper form asking for my reaction. And I just realized something about a thing that happened two weeks ago. Finally, and quite surprisingly, I experienced closure. Closure is not something that comes easy to me — for many years it was normal for me to just leave things (and people…) without any proper closure and without any proper final resolution or to be forced to do so by my (selfish and idiotic and self-destructive) actions. It was easier that way — to run away from things (and people…) or to pretend that they never existed, or had meaning in my life. Or that I have done everybody (and myself) a favor by just disappearing at one moment without a word and not even a last glance.

This time it was different.

I got myself a perfect and happy closure. The closure with people I worked with for seven years and by doing that I made peace with turbulent times at my last place of employment. Everything happened as I planned and expected and wanted. There were no surprises or untoward reactions from both sides. I am not used to things going smoothly and painlessly for me — I always expect the worst to happen even at the easiest of times. And that was at the back of my head this time as well. Well — nothing happened. Things went chronologically as they were supposed to and I got what I wanted in the way that I wanted. That is unusual for me — and a new experience to add to the ever-growing list of things I experience anew since my sobriety took hold. And I can only wish for more such pleasant surprises in the future.