Honest assessment
January 20th, 2023
It is good to say things and thinks out loud when they stay only in thoughts they don’t really exist, or we can at least pretend they don’t. The same with proper names — only knowing and saying the correct name gives life and being to anything of any matter — without it we wouldn’t know how to describe anything and have any ability to have conscious thoughts. So here is me saying out loud what I thought and knew for a long time, but never wanted to verbalize to make knowing it official and clear: I will never be an expert in any particular and defined field.
Surprisingly, I feel fine with this. With both knowledge of it and having it out in the open.
And I guess I also feel fine with the acceptance that is a correct and final and binding statement reaching out into my future. I admire people who can concentrate on a single subject or branch of science and make new discoveries or expand previous knowledge and are undisputed experts in that particular topic of interest. Those people are at the forefront of all scientific development that can benefit our common knowledge and better our lives. But concentrating on just one subject can be groundbreaking and it seems admirable but it is oh so boring. I could never do that myself.
And here is the part where I feel fine with it — I know I already know A LOT. All different subjects and interests and knowledge and hobbies. There is nothing about that statement I see as bragging. And I don’t see any reason to be or feel humble about it. I have a tremendous amount of knowledge but it spread to many different subject matters. I guess between alchemy to zoology I can name tens if not hundreds of topics that one time was of deep interest to me and I spend a lot of time reading and learning and finding out about them. There are some subjects where for some reason after many years I just feel the urge to go back and refresh my knowledge and learn about new developments in that field. It is never boring, it can be exhausting — especially when at the same time I need to decide in which learning direction I will go. I can be disappointed when I realize that I need to choose between several subjects knowing that it will limit my knowledge in this, but expand it in that. I don’t see any possibility to limit myself to a narrow family of subjects while being ignorant of so many others. It is natural for me to change and switch between topics and interests, giving each one my attention for a while before moving on to something else. That is a very good way to continue my development and live as well-adjusted and well-read and well-knowledgeable person. And that is another thing I like about myself, even if that is somewhat vain. There is nothing wrong with deserved vanity
