Hypocrisy

November 23rd, 2022

Tomorrow I will be doing something I don't want to. I will be attending a professional work function where everything and (mostly) everyone will remind me about things I don't like and possibly even hate. I will be doing it only to NOT be a hypocrite. For a while, I was complaining and bitching about something that that work function will address, so now not attending it would be very dishonest of me. On the other hand — I will be doing something I don't like just to keep my sanctimonious face intact in the presence and vision of others when their opinions don't matter to me at all. So, why am I doing it?

I tried to answer for myself that I am doing it only to be honest with myself, to be truthful to my point of view, which I loudly and publicly stated many times. If I don't attend, that would be taking an easy way out — complaining about something until it gets done, but not being there when it actually happens to see it rectified. But still, it would be doing something against my will and my better judgment. I feel very strongly about it, so strongly that I am kind of surprised at myself. I mean — I can just go there, sit on my ass for three hours, eat some food and go home. My part will be done with minimal fuss and inconvenience. But I keep going back to thinking that if I just kept my mouth shut and didn't complain (publicly) all that would not have to take place — I would just make up some excuse not to go as I always do, and go about my life without any outside interruptions. I guess I am re-learning now (and again as I went through that kind of experience before) that actions have consequences. And occasionally MY actions might have some unpleasant consequences. So, I will keep my face up, and go and attend it — for spite.

Of what — I am not really sure yet.