Inability to help
January 13th
I’ve been trying to help my good, old friend for many months, and every attempt from my side is met with her rejection. We’ve known each other for 32 years, we met in a high school when we were 15 years old. We even dated for a year or so then. For all those years we kept in touch — by airmail, phone calls, emails, messenger, and of course in person whenever it was possible. We know all about each other, we like to spend time together, we talk on the phone every couple of days, we see each other weekly (we live only a 10 minutes’ walk from each other).
And every time I offer her any kind of help, she rejects it.
Her life is not easy, single mother (after a divorce) raising two teenage sons. Taking care of her elderly parents. Still dealing with an asshole of an ex-husband. Stuck in a dead-end job. She tells me about those problems, she complains constantly about all those uneasy, unpleasant goings in her life. I try to find a solution, an idea for something that can be changed. But every time I suggest anything she just says NO. With her work — for the last 25 years she’s been working for the city, making little money and dealing with a complaining public. I tell her about new job offers that would suit her and her experience, but her response is the same every time — “I won’t get this job so what is the point in applying”. So she doesn’t even try… Every time I suggest that I can drive or pick up her sons from band practice or gym or some after-school activity, her response is NO — even though I get along fine with her sons and she would have a little time to herself.
At this time no longer see a point of even trying to suggest any help from my side. I don’t know why she does it — is it because she wants to prove to herself that she still can do all the work and her duties herself? Even when that makes her tired and angry? Or does she wants the status quo so she will have something to complain about and be defined by how hard her life is?
This is a very unpleasant and tiring situation for me, I want her to be happy, or at least to have some relief from all the hard work she does. But I cannot be constantly pushing something that she will reject and then have something to complain about next time we see each other. I won’t change my attitude and will work on our friendship but I myself am getting tired of the constant negativity from her. She simply doesn’t want to be helped — and there is nothing I can do about it.
