Inaction

March 22nd, 2024

I think I don't feel good about myself today. To be honest, I am not sure how I feel. I am uneasy and there seems a problematic issue in my head that is wide open and has no closure. Let's talk it out…

It happened at work today. It was a congenial gathering — a send-off for a woman who was retiring after twenty years with the company. There was a lot of cake, a lot of laughter, some tears, and loud and inconsequential talking. And during that talk, another person there said something racist. I think I wasn't the only one taken aback by those words, because I saw some incredulous looks from others who heard this statement. The person who said it noticed that and quickly changed the subject and everybody went back to boisterous talk. That was it. And that bothers me.

Not just the words themselves — some people are racist and there is no changing that fact. And I don't think the person who said it is racist, she is rather very limited and insular in her worldview and her life experience. What bothers me is my inaction in the face of that situation, and the fact that I didn't say anything. I have plenty of excuses ready — mostly I didn't want to make a scene during a special moment for somebody else. It wasn't simply a good moment… Now I wonder when exactly a good moment to call somebody for their racist statement. I could have said something afterward, I could have a quiet word in private, but I didn't. I can say that my meekness is my handicap and prevents me from saying what I want, and what I should. But I think there is another word for it — cowardice. And I still appear to be a coward. And that bothers me.