January 8th

Every time I leave home, after I lock the door, while standing there with keys in my hand, I reach for the handle and push it twice to make sure doors are locked. I know I locked the doors, I’m right there with the keys in my hand, and yet I must make sure — twice. I don’t even remember for how long I’ve been doing that. It’s my force of habit.

In the last several months I learned that I could change my habits. Even those, that were deeply ingrained in my psyche and became a physical and mental addiction. I needed a lot of help and hard work on my side to accomplish it. I still need to be very careful that my old habits won’t come back. As I learn from this book, once we have a habit, we can never unlearn it. We can control it, or replace it with a different, hopefully healthier habit, but the old one it’s still there in our mind, ready to come back given the right cues and triggers.

So far, I’ve done a very good job controlling my addiction habit that almost ruined, or I can say plainly, ended my life. I am still not sure if I found the right the rewards for myself that I had with my alcoholism. I have replaced my value system, but I am not sure if my mind gets the right reward without drinking. I can name plenty of small things that can be considered my reward, like — better physical health, mental strength, believing in myself, working on my weak points, being better person, better son, and better human being. All that is very important, but I feel there is still something missing. I need to be able to identify it and pursuit it.

As for the book above, it was rather interesting. I’m glad I read it whole because not much time before, I would skip most of the parts, and yet I would claim to read it. Not this time, in itself — this seems like a very good step and progress for me. The Author concentrates too much on anecdotal evidence for his claims in this book. Parts about changing habits of a big group of people, like most corporations do, are well researched and interesting. For me, there was lack of simple examples for changing personal habits. On the other hand, everyone is different and will have a different path for changing old and creating new habits. Looking in the mirror, I know I can. It will still require a lot of work, but I know I can do it.

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