July 11th

I arrived home a couple of hours ago, half a day here to do the laundry and repack — tomorrow I am leaving on the second part of my road trip. The only good thing about the current weather (hot, it is so fucking hot) is that my laundered clothes are already dry, other than that is almost unbearable…

I feel much better now, considering the fiasco of my visit to Warsaw and staying in the filthy hovel my sister calls her apartment. This afternoon I went to a diner at Mom’s and had a good talk with a family. I didn’t say everything I wanted about this situation, but this subject was breached, and I will continue to push on it in the future. But first, I will talk to my sister — I will tell her exactly what I feel and offer any help she might need. Will see how it goes…

I drove back home from Warsaw with my brother and his boyfriend, by chance they came to Warsaw for the same weekend and I agreed to take them back with me instead of them taking a train. Again — had a very good talk with my brother in the car, there is something about driving and talking that agrees with me (except when I drive in an unfamiliar city where I need to pay attention to what is happening on the road and to the navigation instructions — then I need silence and concentration).

I still feel a little sadness about this whole issue with my sister, but fortunately, my anger and irritation are gone. I actually feel quite proud about myself and my behavior in all that — even though I had reasons to, I didn’t drink! There was a moment when I thought that getting drunk was the best and quickest and easiest solution to the surrounding problems, but I didn’t give in to this temptation. And that temptation was gone very quickly — I was at all times aware of what was happening to me and if I was not in control of the surrounding situation, I was in control of the situation in my head. There were definite triggers that put that nasty itch in my mind that could lead to relapse, but I was stronger than this urge. So, in the end, there is something good that came out of all that — another test of my sobriety and recovery that I passed.

I know that in the future it will be even easier if a situation like that arises again. Now, I don’t want to get ahead of myself — my work on my recovery is not done, but it is very nice to look at myself in the mirror and be proud of whom I see there.