June 18th

Noise, so much fucking noise, fucking racket, a cacophony of stupidly loud voices from every corner of the office attacking my senses.

That’s how my day is going today. There is an office party tonight so there is a rather light mood today in my office. I am obviously not going to that party since I have no desire to see and talk and be around a bunch of drunks. Because that what will happen, that always happens during office parties — everybody gets shitfaced drunk. Also, I don’t like most of those people anyway. And also, I don’t want to put myself to the test, I don’t need to try to see how strong I am in my fight against my addiction.

But that is not my point. My point is the fucking noise from every direction and everybody, everybody is talking, some on the phone, some having impromptu meetings in the middle of the fucking office, some joking, some arranging something about the party today. Just fucking loud talk, loud words, nonsense words from stupid nonsensical people. And everybody is trying to be the loudest of the bunch, to have the voice dominating over everybody else.

I hate this shit, I don’t know for how much longer I can stand it. I know I can either quit or say what I really want to them — and then I will be asked to quit or possibly even escorted from the premises right away….

Why people have this need to be so loud, to make so much noise all the time? Do this make them feel good? Or important? Don’t they know how annoying they are — and just with talking — playing loud music in public places, having loud bikes or cars, using mechanical gardening tools all times of the day.

Today I hate everybody and I am very angry at everything and everybody.

Thankfully I have my therapy session with Anna today, I fucking need it.