June 27th

My Sunday so far today:

• Woke up at 6 am
• 30 minutes on Duolingo learning Spanish (that’s 180 days in the row, Duolingo remembers)
• 6 km bike ride to the local reservoir
• 1-hour kayaking (with 30 minutes of intense rowing — it was windy today and kayaking across the reservoir was challenging and required a lot of upper bodywork)
• 17 km bike ride back home (with a nice detour through the city center)
• 6 km walk to and from a car supply store (today is one of the 6 shopping Sundays in Poland) to buy stuff for my upcoming road trips
• a lunch
• an hour and the half of a deep and relaxing nap

Now, I still have planned a couple of hours of work on Google Maps to make a detailed plan of my road trips in the first two weeks of July (with all the distances, which roads to take based on surface conditions, gas station locations, the landmarks, and parking nearby, etc.). Then time to relax — maybe watching the game, maybe reading, maybe doing nothing.

I feel great, I feel so much power and energy in me, and yet I am very calm and quietly aware of my inner strength. I am very glad about the way I spend my day today and so many previous days as well.

A year ago I was a drunken, jittery, depressed, fat mess. My Sundays were spent in a haze of loathing and anger and rage at myself. There was no point in anything I was doing or thinking.

And look at me now! A lot of my problems are still there, but I work on them. Also, I work on myself — mentally and physically — every day. I make conscious decisions about myself and my life. I am aware of my shortcoming, but they are not paralyzing anymore — I consider them a challenge to better myself. That work will continue for the rest of my life, and yet I am not afraid — I already know that every day it gets easier, and I will stay sober. Recovery is a very hard work but in the end is wonderful and possible, and I am a very good example.