June 5th

I spent four hours working in the garden today — mowing grass, and power washing house siding and the terrace. I feel exhausted now, even though I took a 2-hour nap after all that exercise. But also I feel calm and content. Physical work leading to tiredness is very needed by me. The work in the garden had to be done anyway and getting to the point of fatigue doing that do wonders for my mind. I am happy that I accomplished all I set up to do today, garden looks very nice with freshly mowed grass, house facade and terrace are spotless and regained original colors and brightness. I feel pride in that and in the fact that I care enough about appearances to push myself to do all that hard work. There is a noticeable difference in my attitude toward house/garden work — previously (when drinking) I would try to either avoid it, postpone it, and finally do it half-assed while telling myself that next time I will do a better and more thorough job. Of course, the next time all that would repeat itself. Now, I take my time with that work, I don’t hurry, I take care of the small details and the results are amazing. I am also very proud of myself that all this time while working today any thought about alcohol didn’t cross my mind. A couple of times in the spring this year, working in the garden, I had nagging and repetitive thoughts about rewarding myself with a drink afterward. Garden and alcohol go hand in hand in my mind and were strongly connected in my previous life. Now, it is getting better and better — like the saying goes: “it gets easier” and it does. That is another thing I accomplished because of my therapy and my continuing sobriety. Normalcy can and is so very rewarding.