June 6th
I wish I could describe things and emotions better than I do now. I know I am making progress with that (writing this blog every day helps a lot) but still there are times when I am lost for words. Also, there are times when any attempt at description is not necessary — like what happened this Friday after I visited the abandoned Wierszalin village. I went for a walk in the woods away from forest paths (like in the picture above) and suddenly I felt an extremely strong urge to just keep on going. To go deeper into the wild, deeper into the forest. It was overwhelming and unsettling, and yet unexpectedly tranquil emotion. I stopped myself from doing that only because I wasn’t prepared, I had no supplies, I even left my water bottle in my car at the end of the road about 2 kilometers from where I was. If I had given in to that urge, it could end up very badly for me. There are villages around that area, but it is very easy to get lost in that forest. Also, in this urge, there was underlining thought — not only to go deeper into the woods but to stay there. I spent no more than half an hour there before returning to the forest road and to my car. I believe it was a deeply spiritual experience for me. Something that will stay in my memory for a long time and something on which I can build and expand my spiritual emotions. And that emotion I felt there is beyond my ability to describe, but in this case, I feel that is ok — trying to describe it in words can only belittle the deep ethereal feeling I experienced.
On the other hand — I’ve noticed the subtle change in green color in the grass, in leaves and flowers, in nature in general. There was a different hue of green in nature starting in late April and throughout most of May, more aggressive, sharper, more confrontational, more expansive. Which is not surprising after a bleak winter I guess. Now the green in nature is more saturated, vaguer, more blurred. Which is not surprising with the hot summer coming up I guess. It is still the same name for this color, but the difference is clearly visible to me. And I wish I could describe THAT better than I did above. And I know that actually I can learn that by writing more. I know that eventually I will find the right combination of words that will convey what I feel and will satisfy my expectations of my writing.
