July 9th (a late post)

Yesterday for the first time in more than 7 months I didn't write a daily post here. I had a good reason though — I was so depressed that I wanted to cry or to get fucking drunk. Why? BECAUSE I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE by agreeing and coming for two days to Warsaw for dog sitting for my sister. A drive from Torun to Warsaw was awful as well, instead of 2.5 it took 4 hours— a rainstorm was passing for the whole time and driving was very difficult. But that is not the point. The point is my sister's (and her boyfriend's) apartment. This a fucking hovel, a fucking pigsty. There is dirt, dust, and mold everywhere, and it’s not because the apartment is such — it’s them. There are clothes strewn everywhere, wrappers, empty (and half-eaten) take-out boxes, toiletries, dead plants. There are cigarette butts all over the balcony. There were no clean dishes in the kitchen — I had to unclog the grimy sink first to wash some plates and cutlery — I almost threw up….. There is no place to put my clothes and to even sit without being disgusted. I spent 20 minutes cleaning water and food dishes for their dog, it seems there were not cleaned in months! That could be animal abuse in my opinion. I slept on some semi-clean bedding for 4 hours only because there is constant noise from outside — there is a main roadway and train tracks about 100 meters from this apartment and there is constant traffic.

I wanted just leave at night, get my stuff and drive home. I didn’t because I made a promise and a commitment to take care of their dog and I feel very sorry for him that he has to live with them like that.

I need to stay here until tomorrow morning, a little over 24 hours from now. And you bet I will be counting passing hours until I can leave. This is a fucking horror, I don’t fucking need it in my life and on my vacations. I really feel like crying now… I need to make sure I don’t do anything stupid as well — like getting a drink, and I feel like I fucking need it.

I feel sorry for my sister and her boyfriend as well — this is a bleak and horrifying way to live, and I just don’t know if it because of depression (that both of them suffer from) or they are just terrible, lazy slobs.

I don’t know what to say anymore….