Just for spite

March 20th, 2023

I can be just a terrible person and do things purely in spite of somebody or something. Even if that thing can hurt me or make me look ridiculous or cause problems and extra work for me in the future. But for this one, short and magnificent moment, I can bask in perfect right-in-you-face, look-at-me, just-try-to-stop-me satisfying spite. I find a perverted momentary pleasure in occasionally doing things in spite, consequences to be damned!

So, today I sit at my desk, sniffling and sneezing and coughing and aching all over because of what I did yesterday. And yesterday was a glorious day — spring was already in the air. There was plenty of sunshine and temperatures got up to 15 degrees Centigrade. There was a cold wind though and only a false warmth instead of real spring heat — the ground doesn’t retain the sunshine yet and there was a definite chill in the air. But I didn’t care, I took my bicycle for the first ride of the year. And I only put on a light jacket — purposely unzipped with only a flimsy sweatshirt underneath. And even though I had my hat and gloves in a pocket I refused to put them on, since I already wanted to enjoy the spring weather and conjure more warmth by sympathetic magic. My head and neck and hands felt bitterly cold as I was riding around the neighborhood, but I didn’t give a damn about it — I was doing it all just to spite winter and cold and darkness and drabness of the last 5 months.

I don’t know if my attempt yesterday to summon spring was necessary — according to a calendar, it started mid-morning today. And it would start in exactly the same way at the exact same time without my imitative magical rituals. But those rituals had meaning to me — even though were brought up by my subconscious desire for spring and sunshine and warmth and renewal. I knew to expect it and today I suffer for it, but still, I don’t care. Even the weather forecast that calls for the return of low temperatures and a lot of cold rain over the next weeks cannot dampen my spirit. Spring is here and there is no turning back the calendar and the progress of seasons.