Lack of spirituality

July 3rd, 2024

It was easy to realize it, but it wasn't easy to accept it. Or rather, I think I am still in denial about it — my lack of spirituality, that is. I thought very spiritual about myself, which is how I presented my personality outwardly and internally. And that seems like a big lie and a big deception aimed mostly at myself. My spiritual experience moments are very few and far in between. They still happen, but on such a minuscule scale that sometimes I miss them. And I don't go out of my way to search for them. Once in a while, when I am in nature somewhere, or in the presence of ethereal beauty in art or written word or in music, I can still feel spirituality and oneness with the whole world.

The rest of the time — which is most of the time, I am completely and hopelessly surrounded and mired in base materialism.

I don't like that. Especially when I noticed the pattern of materialism spilling from my wakeful moments into my dreams. And into my wants and plans and imagination. I don't like that but I am not sure what to do about it. I know that I should limit what I read and listen to with regard to news — local and global. That brings nothing but frustration and naively childish ideas about betterment for the rest of humankind. But what to do with the issues on a personal level which stop me from even attempting anything spiritual with its weight that brings me down and congeals my thoughts around pathetic materialism? Here I am talking about issues like tough situations at work or close family members getting older and angrier at the fact of getting older and at themselves. I cannot just cut off my involvement here. I don't think I can even limit it somehow. I want to do something about it, though I have no clue what…