Leaving the herd and an act of creativity

July 9th, 2023

I searched for a collective solution for many years. The collective I wanted to belong to or thought of as truly the one had changed many times over those years. Not surprisingly — the size of each collective got smaller as I kept searching, from the global to the encompassing just a few. And also not surprisingly, I got to the point where the last collective got reduced to a single member — me.

There is no collective solution to the problem of existence and all the dissolutions and solutions enclosed in it that I found. That means I need to fashion one myself — and creativity is required for that. I want to create a coherent vision of the existence of the external world and my place in it (or outside of it), but especially a true sense of myself. And that could be very painful to be a separate person with nothing in common with others to lean on.

I used the word separate, not unique — since I don't believe in the uniqueness of shared archetypes. Only the visual output and presentation can have a unique form, but the core is always shared within the totality of the experience of humankind. Still, the individuation can result in painful isolation. On the other hand, the discovery of separate and individual gifts can lead to expectations of immortality that will be thrilling and satisfying and calming to the core of being.

Creativity can be, at the same time, an expression of heroism and justification for it. It can be considered a “private religion”, as I remember the concept from the writings of Otto Rank. The separateness can be considered private beyond, not connected to any collective experience, and it can give a creator personal immortality. No matter the potential greatness and satisfaction, that will lead to the problem to consider —how to justify the heroism required? To create is to be on a god-like level of being and that will always bring the feeling of guilt and even of blasphemy that can be overwhelming to the senses. That can lead to conformism and false fulfillment. To dare to engage in the creative process requires courage and initial acceptance of the justification of creativity as an internal and natural life-force.