Let it run through
August 16th, 2024
There was a time when among hundreds of thoughts swirling in my mind, I would pick up one and focus on it intensely and singularly. Usually, it was a thought that had something to do with what was then bothering me or had a negative effect on my life. Soon after focusing on that one thought, I couldn't think about anything else. It was my obsession, that one singular, particular thought. I couldn't let it go, it was constantly gnawing at my mind and making me unable to think about anything else. I would then be constantly winded up and constantly obsessing about it. That always led to dire results and no solution.
Then I learned a different technic. I would just cut off any unwelcome thoughts in my head before they could grow into something menacing and obsessive. I had reliable tools to go about it — focusing on something else, be it physical exercise, a book, music, art, or just writing here. It worked well. I was not only avoiding a descent into a winded-up obsession, but I also would do something for my cognition and personal development. It worked so well that I solely relied on that technic, without actually bothering to solve the pressing situation that would cause those unwelcomed thoughts. Out of my mind, it was no longer a problem.
Except that it was. It is possible to ignore some thoughts in the bud, without giving them any second thoughts. In some cases, the simple suspicion that this particular thought could cause me problems was enough to wipe it out of my mind without solving anything, no matter how trivial or easy it could have been. Unfortunately, the ignored thoughts and problems have a tendency to multiply to a point where it is no longer possible to keep on ignoring them, or solving them in a simple and effective way. Something else is needed and that will be the new coping mechanism for me. Something that would have to be learned from scratch. I want to let the thoughts — good and bad — run through their course in my mind. Without obsessing and without ignoring, but with balanced attention and mindfulness.
