Let's talk it out

September 28th

My inner monologue is rich and interesting, and quite often quite predictable. I surprise myself a lot with my thoughts and analysis and observations. Sometimes it might even turn into a dialogue, but that usually leads nowhere — I know what both sides will say and what arguments they will use. Well, at least I know I am not psychotic and have no other personalities. Hell, I still work on my current one — and over the last years seen a significant improvement there.

But that internal monologue is not enough in a lot of cases. I usually latch on to an idea or solution or emotion or perceived wrongdoing and will keep turning it in my head, looking at it from different perspectives. But all those perspectives are still mine and originate in the same mind. There is no seriously different or uncomfortable point of view. All my thoughts and ideas stem from only my experiences and swirl within my comfort zone — I guess it is the same with everybody else.

That all changes when I speak out loud those thoughts and ideas, in a way that can be understood by another person, or group of people. The same thing just being in my head, and then said out loud, sounds different. And usually makes more sense when spoken toward somebody else, not just staying in my head. Of course, once I do that — I have to be ready to hear and compartment the response, maybe even be ready to defend my way of thinking. But in many cases as well, doing that I get in return an explanation or suggestion or reassurance that I need to restrain my thoughts, which can tend to be negative or even catastrophic. Simple give and take in conversation makes all the difference in my emotional state and lets me worry less. And that is what I really need right now.