Listen to the body
It is one of the best things I learned since I stopped drinking and started recovery and conscious life — listening to my body. I can learn a lot just by paying attention. And that happened yesterday when I had to pay very close attention to what was happening to me.
It was about 2 pm at work yesterday. Suddenly a feeling of dread, or something beyond my control, was very noticeable in me. The best I can describe it — it felt like my body was contracting upon itself from my chest area down to my stomach. It wasn’t painful or even discomforting, it was just there and very strongly there as a matter of fact. I just slowed down everything I was doing and was able to make it to 3 pm when I went home. Riding a bike home made me feel a lot better, but the same feeling came back in the evening. Today it was something else — sheer exhaustion again around 2 pm. I checked my heart rate from those periods from what my Fitbit recorded and there it was — both times my heart rate during those times went down to around 50 beats per minute.
My resting heart rate is around 70–75 beats per minute, so such a change was clearly noticeable. My body was telling me something and I listened — I am overworked in the office, I am overstressed from my job and some personal issues, I am overheated from a week-long heat wave, I am overstimulated from all the books I’ve been reading, and I am exhausted from all the fun outdoor activities I’ve been doing over the summer months.
Now, not all that is bad — I am very happy with the effects of all the biking and kayaking — my muscles are getting toned and visibly bigger. But all the other stuff — I could do without it. And there is another week of dangerously high temperatures coming up, so I had to make some decisions. And that was an easy decision to make — I am not doing shit this weekend. I made no plans and have no ideas to follow through. I might go and do some shopping tomorrow, I might go to the mall for some walking around, I might read a book or watch some movie. Or I might not. My body needs the rest very badly. And that is what my body will get. I cannot change the situation that will await me at work on Monday, or I cannot change the weather. But I can change my (usually active) weekend to just a lazy weekend.
No regrets and I am looking to doing nothing for the next 48 hours.