Looking for issues

February 28th, 2024

I was busy today, with work stuff as usual, but mostly looking for an issue or a problem where there is none. That is what I do. It can often be debilitating — constant questioning of myself and my actions, nonstop checking myself for proper behavior or correct course of action. Today it was different though, that constant checking was positive and stimulating. I am going on a trip — finally, after a year and a half of limiting my travels to day excursions. The trip is only for an extended weekend, four days in total, but it is what I need and what can fit my schedule. Also, it is not far from where I live. Granted, it is in another country but no more than four hours of driving. And I am getting ready for it by making lists of what I need, checking if I already have everything all that I might possibly need, then rechecking if that will be enough or maybe too much or too many. I realized that I missed that buzz that goes along with traveling and preparation for it, I missed the feeling of satisfaction that comes from knowing that I am well prepared. And most of what I did today wasn't really necessary — I am not going into some kind of wilderness, but into a mid-sized European city where all my needs can be easily met and conveniences abound everywhere. But no matter that — I wanted to be prepared and ready and tonight I feel I am. I also feel excited in a way I haven't felt in a long time.